


Control Water

by HyperKid



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Fluff, Humour, It’s just a cantrip Fjord, Multi, Other, candy clerics, control water, everyone’s got it, no one suspects Caduceus, nonsexual spanking, silly Jester pranks, vengeance is a dish best served wet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-22
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-11-27 22:31:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18199886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HyperKid/pseuds/HyperKid
Summary: Fjord might get just a little too excited about his U’katoa given powers, and he tends to forgets that other people can do it too. Jester has a fun way to remind him.She’s not expecting Caduceus to join in though.





	Control Water

**Author's Note:**

> Mollymauk: This is not a cuddle pile.   
> HK: It is not.   
> Mollymauk: ... It’ll do though.   
> HK: It was so close to done and I’m supposed to be at work, so I figured why not?   
> Mollymauk: Easier than writing porn next to your boss?   
> HK: Slightly easier to explain, yeah. 
> 
> WARNINGS!! None, for a change? 
> 
> Disclaimer: Nope, still no ownership. Does anyone know how I go about setting that up? Do I duel Matt?

The first time was definitely Jester’s fault. They were walking alongside a small stream, on their way from one stop to the next in their never ending journey. It had been a quiet day, the latest in a quiet week and most of the group were beginning to get a little twitchy. 

 

Most of the time they could at least expect some kind of attack to take the edge off. 

 

That was probably why the falchion leapt to Fjord’s hand in a spray of water at the sharp slap. 

 

“The fuck!” Beau jumped as the spray splashed at her neck, spinning and striking a fighting stance, glaring around. Fjord flushed a darker green, glancing into the stream behind him. 

 

“Sorry, Beau... just... something smacked my ass.” 

 

Silence reigned for a moment, largely because Beau was visibly chewing her way through a thought. She leaned around the warlock, frowning the fifteen feet back to Jester, behind Caduceus, Caleb, and Nott. The tiefling waved, an innocent smile on her lips. 

 

“I’m not mad, I just want to know how you did it,” the monk called, raising an eyebrow. Fjord turned as well, also immediately discarding the idea that Caduceus might have gone for his ass. Largely because of texture, and Caduceus. 

 

Jester smiled innocently, fingers playing through her curls. 

 

“Why, I don’t know what you mean, Beau,” she called back, batting her lashes. A tendril of water rose from the stream and took another swat for Fjord. This time he was ready though, and dodged, staring at the tendril. 

 

“When the fuck did you learn to do that?!” 

 

A flash of annoyance crossed Jester’s violet eyes. 

 

“I’ve been able to do it since before you could, Fjord.” 

 

Fjord shook his head quickly, frowning. 

 

“I know you can control water but I’ve never seen you do tentacles before!” 

 

That seemed to cheer her up and she giggled, twisting a curl around her fingers. 

 

“Well you seemed to have so much fun making them with yours, so I thought I’d get a little practice.” 

 

“And show me by smacking my ass?” A smile was tugging at Fjord’s lips too and he shook his head again. “Very impressive, Jester.” Just a hint of wickedness crept into his smile and he raised a hand, focusing. 

 

Jester squeaked and made to dive away from the stream, but not before a long, thin tentacle rose to take a crack at her butt. It caught around her knees instead and sent her tumbling, giggling, to the ground. Nott turned to help her up, shooting a deeply suspicious glare at the water. 

 

“Keep it between the two of you,” the goblin warned both casters, helping Jester to fix her skirts. Fjord nodded, a satisfied grin on his face as he banished his falchion once more. 

 

“Of course, Nott. You won’t get a single splash from me.” 

 

“Not a drop!” Jester agreed with a laugh, pushing her hair back from her face. With a few more muttered grumbles and adventures they got underway once more, maybe a little further from the stream than before. 

 

** 

 

The second, third, and fourth times were probably also Jester. It was becoming a bit of a running joke; when they were near the water, occasionally Fjord would get a swat. Just to remind him of his very special power than only he had. 

 

But the fifth time, even Jester looked surprised. They had found a lake to camp at for the night, and wound up setting up a campfire on the beach for dinner. Fjord had taken a crack at fishing, and was on his way back from the waterfront when a loud, wet smack filled the air. 

 

All eyes turned to the little blue tiefling poking a stick into the fire. She looked back, eyes wide as she looked at the water. Fjord sighed fondly, waving a small fish in her general direction. 

 

“Keep that up and I won’t get you dinner, missy!” 

 

“I didn’t!” Jester protested immediately, staring at the lake. Her gaze drifted slowly around the fire to the serenely smiling shape of Caduceus. Their eyes met for a long moment. A slow smile spread across Jester’s lips and she folded her hands in her lap demurely. “I did. I’m sorry Fjord.” 

 

Fjord seemed a little surprised by the change, but he didn’t bother to question it as he took a seat by the fire. The Nein had mostly accepted by now that Jester was a strange and unknowable force. 

 

Yasha was the only one to keep watching the clerics for a few moments more, wondering what had passed between them. No one else would even think of suspecting the innocent Mr Clay. 

 

** 

 

The volume of watery slaps didn’t exactly pick up, and Fjord accepted them with a cheerful enough demeanour. Occasionally he’d take a swat in return, or send a playful watery tendril at Beau or Caleb. 

 

He never went for Caduceus. That just wouldn’t be right. 

 

Jester found the whole thing funny enough to accept the blame whole heartedly, giggling away and enjoying the spanks she got in return. It was nice to have something just between the clerics, something shared. 

 

Caduceus was developing quite the quiet mischievous streak with the Nein. 

 

One rainy day, they were making their way along the road, hoods up and tucked in close. It was largely quiet, no one really in the mood to talk. Just the situation that could use a little lightening up. 

 

As Fjord passed a particularly deep puddle, not one but two watery tendrils rose to swat almost in unison at his ass. He jumped nearly a foot, the falchion springing into existence for the first time since the first slap. 

 

He spun to stare incredulously at Jester, who still had surprised glee writ large across her face. 

 

“Two, Jester? Seriously?” 

 

Caduceus opened his mouth to come clean, but Jester cut across him with a giggle, clasping her holy symbol. She’d be the picture of innocence if she wasn’t, well, Jester. 

 

“I wanted to know if I could! I’ve been practicing really hard!” 

 

For a long moment, Fjord kept staring. Then a smile tugged across his face. 

 

“I’ll say you have, my ass is one big bruise!” 

 

“I’ll kiss it better if you like?” Jester squeaked a giggle as she dodged a grab for her, darting towards Beau. Fighting a laugh of her own, the monk dodged out of the way, Fjord in hot pursuit. 

 

“Hey, don’t bring me into this!” 

 

“Save me, Beau!” 

 

“Get back here!” Fjord called, his feet skidding in the mud and almost sliding into Caduceus as Jester made another hair pin turn. The grave cleric reached out automatically to steady him, watching the chaos with a fond smile as Fjord sprinted off again. 

 

“She is quite the ray of sunshine,” a soft, accented voice murmured from behind him, and he turned to see Yasha watching the chase. There was a softness in her gaze, never far away when they’re not in battle. A gentle kind of warmth Caduceus found soothing. 

 

“That she is,” he agreed with a smile of his own. Jester skidded a little too far on her next turn, tumbling into the mud with a peal of laughter. Fjord halted his chase long enough to help her up and brush the worst lumps from her new dress, only to begin trying to tickle her. 

 

The tiefling wriggled away with a laugh, blowing him a kiss. The melancholy, or at least gloom that had hung over the group was already a distant memory as Beau yelled encouragement, Nott scooting far enough from the road not to be splashed by the chase before joining in. Even Caleb chuckled along, catching the muddy Jester as Nugget finally takes an interest, the large dog leaping excitedly onto Fjord and bearing him to the ground. 

 

To her credit, Jester tried to call him off. Once the giggling subsided. 

 

To his far greater credit, Fjord soon gave up wrestling with the big dog and just lay there, accepting the slurping kisses as his fate. 

 

** 

 

After the double slap, a couple of weeks passed with no watery shenanigans at all. Fjord still shot suspicious glances into ponds and puddles, but gradually they tapered off. Jester moved on to several new creative endeavours (and Beau would probably regret letting her try and trim shapes into her undercut for about a month), and Caduceus was happy enough to let the whole thing drop. 

 

So all three of them were startled when they were most of the way across a river on a little raft and a watery tentacle rose from the depths to swat Fjord’s ass. 

 

Jester and Caduceus immediately shot each other suspicious looks, eyes widening as they realised both were looking for the culprit. For a heartbeat they held one another’s gaze, then slowly turned as one to the back of the raft. 

 

Caleb smiled innocently at the pair of them, a book open in his lap. 

 

A broad grin broke across Jester’s face just as Fjord tossed her off the raft. 

**Author's Note:**

> HK: I’ve been bouncing about a lot lately and not exactly getting things finished, so hoooopefully this is a good sign and I’ll have a couple more for you soon.


End file.
